Effing Marriage...

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(05-17-2017 02:26 PM)Spyder Wrote:  

That's F'n funny as hell. But...I see his wife in the back...looks Chinese or Taiwanese....man...he might be one step away from getting a sling blade upside the head....They are CRAZY mean.

My last GF...about 6 years ago before I met my current wife was Taiwanese.....and that bitch almost gutted me with a knife once. INSANE anger issues. I know that look in her eyes back there....kind of had some PTSD flashbacks when I saw it.

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(05-26-2017 07:00 AM)Fitz Wrote:  I'm not married yet, though will eventually marry my girl. But we have 2 kids together, so figured to post here anyways.
We don't fight, always communicate and we have never had a full blown fight, though one issue that has always popped up (even though we haven't fought about it), and we have a civil and thought out debate about is smacking/spanking our children.
She is against it, and I am for it. For the record, I have only smacked my oldest child, who is 3 and have only done it 4-5 times. Also my form of smacking have only consisted of a slap across his hands, and a firm whack across his backside.

She says everything she has read says it can have a long term negative effect on the child. I tell her that she reads material on her parenting methods and of course what she reads will be bias towards her beliefs, just as if I were to read material on my beliefs that would be bias to my beliefs.
She is really good about it, and we both see where each other is coming from. She just doesn't think it is natural for me to smack my kid because I always feel bad afterwards. I tell her that most parents wouldn't feel great punishing their child and it would be more of a concern if I got a rush over it. I don't like to do it, but in some circumstances I think I need to (not because I want to).
For example last night, my oldest one was getting tired, emotional and a little angry. My youngest one was standing in the lounge room facing me. The oldest one ran into the lounge room having a bit of a meltdown and pushed him from behind for absolutely no reason and the little one smacked his head hard onto the ground.
I grabbed him straight away, gave him a whack across the ass, dragged him into his room and told him that his behaviour was disgusting and put him into his room. My girl was in the kitchen at the time, but I told her what I did, and she was upset about it later, but 'kind of understood' why I reacted like that, but didn't agree.
Does anyone have conflicting views to disciplining their children with their partner?

First of all Statistically speaking...DON'T GET MARRIED....you don't believe look at the crazy stats...of people who divorce after getting married when the had been together with kids for 2 years or more....it's too high to be a coincidence...don't fix it if it isn't broke...

NOW...as for the kid punishment thing....I will say this...I was raised in a household where I was smacked if I did wrong, so was my wife, so naturally....we plan on smacking our kids. NOW...."smacking" and "beating" are two very different things, and people should recognize that.

I've worked with kids in my job since 2000...so 17 years of working with kids in various capacities from CPS investigations, to family counselor, to mental health...I've seen it all and have had plenty of experience with kids and families.

It is my opinion that the whole idea of NOT using physical discipline is a HUGE reason we have such fucked up kids in the USA today. My mother began smacking me when I was in my high chair, if I tossed food on the floor, I got a light smack....now most people today will gasp at that...so I asked my mom, why she did it....because people would freak out when I would tell them how young my mom started with physical punishment. My mom said it was a simple act of consequences to actions, that she allowed me to figure out on my own, and after a few incidences, I stopped tossing food. It's a learned response...if I do this action, I will get a negative reaction. NOW....for MOST kids that is enough, but we are seeing more and more kids who seem to pop out of the womb with ODD..Oppositional Defiant Disorder, with these kids no amount of physical punishment is going to deter them from pushing the boundaries. And you would know if you have this type of kid because they are like that from infant....

BUT...for most normal kids...I don't think there is anything wrong with using physical punishment. Look what decades of coddle and talk to your kid has gotten us....kids that use the CPS system as a tool against their own parents....kids going on shooting sprees...kids bullying other kids into suicide.

People can argue all they want about the supposed evils of physical punishment....but the proof of NOT using it is surely showing it's ugly head the last decade or so and today.

I was punished physically as a child...my parents never used a belt, or any other device....it was with the open palm only....and it kept me in line and made me who I am today. As a matter of fact my father only smacked me twice in my entire life and even though it was not particularly hard...it was so quick and sudden...it made lasting impacts on me....when my dad told me to do something...I did it....not so much for fear of the actual smack...but for fear out of how quick it could come....he was like a snake striking.


NOW...I do believe in giving kids a chance...as in....if you do this one more time, I'll have to paddle you....but in the situation you gave...where the offense was so quick, sudden and out of the blue....the child has to learn at that time....that the action will not be accepted without negative consequences. That could have given the little one a concussion, anything...so the response must be swift. You did the right thing.

Out of all my kids I've worked with in the past....if you asked me to gauge which kids were more problematic, kids that were disciplined with physical punishment or kids that were not.....it's not even a question.....the kids that lack physical punishment are MUCH worse than those that received it.

That's my two cents....