I need to vent....

[Spyder]

Big Slim Wrote:

Spyder Wrote:I'm done smoking to just get high, I want to smoke again to stop myself from becoming homicidal. That little voice in my head that tell's me to not slam that guys face through the fucking table keeps getting quieter and quieter.

Yes indeed.

I used to be a daily smoker for years, mostly by myself, then two years ago decided to stop cold turkey just to see if I could (cause I was worried I couldn't). Didn't smoke for about 18 months (give or take a hit from a friend once or twice when they had it) and now I'm in a sometimes on sometimes off phase depending on when I can get a little.

For sure, when I'm off for a few weeks, I find myself getting MUCH more irritable with co-workers. Like by the end of the week there's a storm rising in my chest, and every time somebody does something that ticks me off I have to fight that anger back down. But if I smoked the night before and I know I can smoke again when I get home, I'm way more 'whatever'.

I love the drink but hangovers suck ass. I definitely get depressed the day after now if I overdo it. To go along with the headache, the bloated stomach, the lack of energy, desire or motivation. I get horny as a motherfucker when I'm hungover, but shooting a load can cause my head to scream in pain.

Pills are beautiful, and definitely best for the waistline. I love me some vicodin. I have a shit back and every now and then I'll go to my doctor complaining about it. Legit complaints and all but still, I know what I'm there for.

Also a big fan of Adirol. I've popped a few of those on a few occasions. Feels just like cocaine, except that instead of getting a quick rush from a bump you take a pill and it kicks in over the course of the next hour or so. Beautiful.

Now cocaine... Cocaine is the devil. Sweet, pretty, tempting, but evil to the core. I used to sniff 2-3 times a week for years when I lived in New York. Just a fortunate cat that I never got physically addicted. Did it cause I loved it but never felt like I needed it. Since moving back to Chicago in 2006 I've only run into it a handful of times, and not in close to three years. But you never know. You. Never. Know.

Ecstasy I never liked that much. I only noticed its effects once I was coming down, like 'Damn I felt great a few minutes ago.' And I always got depressed the next day. Blah.

Used to love acid and shrooms, but those days are long over.

Got a nice little history with drugs. Hopefully I've come out OK.

My history is very similar to yours...minus the coke. Never had the desire.