I need to vent....

[lloyd mayflower]

SmartyBeardo Wrote:

lloyd mayflower Wrote:I battered the coke and ecstasy between 21 and prob 24. Enjoyed both tho eccies are the daddy. When you get a good one the feeling is unrivalled. Cocaine was always more of a means to an end for me, the buzz was decent but the main thing was it kept you going all night. You could take it and not think it was having any effect but then you'd still be up drinking into the next day and realise thats what kept you going.

As a Scotsman, its my patriotic duty to drink like fuck, but like a few have said, I just cant do it like I could in my early 20's anymore and i'm only 26 now! Its a pretty fast decline in skills you experience. I get the doom something terrible after a couple of days on it, and lately its taking me a lot longer to sober up in the mornings. This isnt a problem unless i'm planning to go back on it that day, If I start drinking before i'm properly sober I get this horrible feeling like i'm really not in control of what i'm doing. One thing i've always thought with alcohol is that it must be VERY easy, easier than most think, to spiral out of control and end up hooked. I definitely think it has serious effects on mental health. There are times when I feel like I am destined for a brush with serious alcohol problems in my lifetime. I cant explain it and I have no reason to think this, just sometimes I feel like I am destined at some point in my life to disappear into the abyss and have to drag myself back out of it.

Found my sister not too long ago in a drunken stupor amidst trash on the floor of her livingroom, surrounded by empty KettleOne bottles and one in a death grip. When I tried to take it away she turned into a rabid baboon, screeches, grunts and all, and attacked me.

She is mid-50s and her health is seriously fucked.

I convinced to go to rehab by having the local police pick her ass up and dry her out for a few days. By then she was sober enough to actually understand human. I held her sons and grandchildrens' pictures before her and told her she was never going to see them again if she didn't get her pathetic ass together.

She got out while I was gone. When I got back, I texted her congratulations on outliving Whitney Houston. She has been to rehab nearly 30 times for every chemical imaginable including designer performance enhancers which I suspect are the foundation of her wealth.

The problem with that abyss is that those who visit generally return over and over again.

Yeah, we've all seen it. Even if its just the pissheads in your local pub, we've all seen people whose mind and body are wasted by alcohol. I've no reason to think it will ever be me, its just I think I recognise more than most how easy it would be to cross the line. Most people are only two or three bad hands away from losing it.