Effing Marriage...

[Warlord]

My in-laws are decent people. Loud as fucking shit, and my father-in-law has some genetic defect where he drops these huge fucking logs in the toilet and invariably clogs it up and has to whip the plunger out after every bowel movement. Other than that they're nice, though.

The only thing that threw me off was how loud they are. Chinese people are loud as fuck in general, but when they're with family it is really intolerable. The first dinner I had with my wife's family, they just sat around the dinner table shouting at each other.

I just kept my head down, feeling bad for my wife, wondering what they were all so mad about and thinking it might've been my fault because they wanted her to marry a Chinese dude or something.

After we left I asked my wife what they were so upset about. Nothing, she said, sounding all surprised about it. Well, why was everyone yelling at each other, I asked. We weren't she answered, sounding even more baffled. We always talk like that.

It reminded me of the Chappell's Show skit where he plays Samuel Jackson, and they ask him why he's yelling. I ain't yelling (he yells), that's the way I talk!

My mom was worried to death the first time she heard my wife on the phone with her parents. She was convinced something terrible had happened.