Effing Marriage...

[Dickagon]

Doesn't matter. Once you get married they know they own you.

[Spyder]

[the ollie reed fan club]

(05-15-2017 02:32 PM)JD Wrote:  And what makes it worse is that I bet we all have attractive wives.

Based on the Big G definition NONE of you even have wives/girlfriends as I haven't seen any photos of them (Black is obviously exempt, he is a real boxing heterosexual man.) As for the rest of you/us, this is all fake, fake, fake.

[BGv4.0]

Nah....I don't subscribe to that Yes you're right all the time BS. To me that sets a terrible precedence for all future arguments and disagreements. And at some point most men will get tired of that BS....even if it's later in life and pack their shit and leave.

No.....my wife and I are pretty good about discussing things first...but every now and again...we get into a knock down drag out fight...and there are times I dig my heels in and all I do is get real quite....give her the look that says...im not fuckin around and I calmly say....this is what's going down....Im done.....and Ill walk the fuck out. At that point she knows I'm not jacking around....she will usually sleep on it and the next day is much more docile....even apologetic.

And don't believe that never go to bed mad BS.....sometimes I turn my back and sleep like a baby and then she stays up all night being mad losing sleep.....fuck that.

[Warlord]

(05-21-2017 12:22 AM)BGv4.0 Wrote:  Nah....I don't subscribe to that Yes you're right all the time BS. To me that sets a terrible precedence for all future arguments and disagreements. And at some point most men will get tired of that BS....even if it's later in life and pack their shit and leave.

No.....my wife and I are pretty good about discussing things first...but every now and again...we get into a knock down drag out fight...and there are times I dig my heels in and all I do is get real quite....give her the look that says...im not fuckin around and I calmly say....this is what's going down....Im done.....and Ill walk the fuck out. At that point she knows I'm not jacking around....she will usually sleep on it and the next day is much more docile....even apologetic.

And don't believe that never go to bed mad BS.....sometimes I turn my back and sleep like a baby and then she stays up all night being mad losing sleep.....fuck that.

I'm sorry, I foolishly though separating those two phrases with a semi-colon would've been enough to show that though the two ideas were related by thought, they were separate.

I never tell my wife she's right when she's arguing with me. Because she isn't. No one is right when they argue with me. She is wrong 100% of the time just like everyone else.

I tell my wife she's right when she comes home from work telling me about her day, or sharing her feelings on a certain subject. That's what I mean when I say to tell a woman "you're right." Don't argue with her about her feelings. It's a no-win situation, and not much advantage if you could somehow win.

The "I'm sorry" bit I explained already. I'm not sorry that we argued or that I'm right and she's wrong. I'm sorry because she is upset. I absolutely think that is the right call to make, and do it every time. And it also works every time. It doesn't make a man weak to understand women, how they think, and what they need. Right and wrong don't matter to women. Feelings do. If you make her feel bad, you need to rectify it. It doesn't make you a loser or anything else. It makes you wise.

Going to bed angry will come back to bite you eventually. Terrible decision.

[JD]

I agree with that.

By and large I keep my emotions well in check. In the past I'd roll over with my wife still agitated avd go right to sleep - then I'd wonder what the hell her problem was the next morning.

Define it, squash it and move on.

But all this doesn't alleviate the need to bang some strange.

[Warlord]

Then bang other girls. Ollie was right. Actually, banging other girls will improve things with your wife.

When you bang other girls, it makes you more appreicative of your wife. The little tinge of guilt makes you more sensitive to her emotions, and causes you to do little things like bring flowers home for her.

Guys can cheat on their girlfriends/wives without falling in love with their mistress. They cheat physically, but not emotionally. Simply, a guy can cheat and not love his wife any less.

Girls, on the other hand, are wholly incapable of doing the same. When they cheat, it is simply because she no longer loves you.

[Fitz]

I'm not married yet, though will eventually marry my girl. But we have 2 kids together, so figured to post here anyways.
We don't fight, always communicate and we have never had a full blown fight, though one issue that has always popped up (even though we haven't fought about it), and we have a civil and thought out debate about is smacking/spanking our children.
She is against it, and I am for it. For the record, I have only smacked my oldest child, who is 3 and have only done it 4-5 times. Also my form of smacking have only consisted of a slap across his hands, and a firm whack across his backside.

She says everything she has read says it can have a long term negative effect on the child. I tell her that she reads material on her parenting methods and of course what she reads will be bias towards her beliefs, just as if I were to read material on my beliefs that would be bias to my beliefs.
She is really good about it, and we both see where each other is coming from. She just doesn't think it is natural for me to smack my kid because I always feel bad afterwards. I tell her that most parents wouldn't feel great punishing their child and it would be more of a concern if I got a rush over it. I don't like to do it, but in some circumstances I think I need to (not because I want to).
For example last night, my oldest one was getting tired, emotional and a little angry. My youngest one was standing in the lounge room facing me. The oldest one ran into the lounge room having a bit of a meltdown and pushed him from behind for absolutely no reason and the little one smacked his head hard onto the ground.
I grabbed him straight away, gave him a whack across the ass, dragged him into his room and told him that his behaviour was disgusting and put him into his room. My girl was in the kitchen at the time, but I told her what I did, and she was upset about it later, but 'kind of understood' why I reacted like that, but didn't agree.
Does anyone have conflicting views to disciplining their children with their partner?

[BGv4.0]

(05-17-2017 02:26 PM)Spyder Wrote:  

That's F'n funny as hell. But...I see his wife in the back...looks Chinese or Taiwanese....man...he might be one step away from getting a sling blade upside the head....They are CRAZY mean.

My last GF...about 6 years ago before I met my current wife was Taiwanese.....and that bitch almost gutted me with a knife once. INSANE anger issues. I know that look in her eyes back there....kind of had some PTSD flashbacks when I saw it.

---

(05-26-2017 07:00 AM)Fitz Wrote:  I'm not married yet, though will eventually marry my girl. But we have 2 kids together, so figured to post here anyways.
We don't fight, always communicate and we have never had a full blown fight, though one issue that has always popped up (even though we haven't fought about it), and we have a civil and thought out debate about is smacking/spanking our children.
She is against it, and I am for it. For the record, I have only smacked my oldest child, who is 3 and have only done it 4-5 times. Also my form of smacking have only consisted of a slap across his hands, and a firm whack across his backside.

She says everything she has read says it can have a long term negative effect on the child. I tell her that she reads material on her parenting methods and of course what she reads will be bias towards her beliefs, just as if I were to read material on my beliefs that would be bias to my beliefs.
She is really good about it, and we both see where each other is coming from. She just doesn't think it is natural for me to smack my kid because I always feel bad afterwards. I tell her that most parents wouldn't feel great punishing their child and it would be more of a concern if I got a rush over it. I don't like to do it, but in some circumstances I think I need to (not because I want to).
For example last night, my oldest one was getting tired, emotional and a little angry. My youngest one was standing in the lounge room facing me. The oldest one ran into the lounge room having a bit of a meltdown and pushed him from behind for absolutely no reason and the little one smacked his head hard onto the ground.
I grabbed him straight away, gave him a whack across the ass, dragged him into his room and told him that his behaviour was disgusting and put him into his room. My girl was in the kitchen at the time, but I told her what I did, and she was upset about it later, but 'kind of understood' why I reacted like that, but didn't agree.
Does anyone have conflicting views to disciplining their children with their partner?

First of all Statistically speaking...DON'T GET MARRIED....you don't believe look at the crazy stats...of people who divorce after getting married when the had been together with kids for 2 years or more....it's too high to be a coincidence...don't fix it if it isn't broke...

NOW...as for the kid punishment thing....I will say this...I was raised in a household where I was smacked if I did wrong, so was my wife, so naturally....we plan on smacking our kids. NOW...."smacking" and "beating" are two very different things, and people should recognize that.

I've worked with kids in my job since 2000...so 17 years of working with kids in various capacities from CPS investigations, to family counselor, to mental health...I've seen it all and have had plenty of experience with kids and families.

It is my opinion that the whole idea of NOT using physical discipline is a HUGE reason we have such fucked up kids in the USA today. My mother began smacking me when I was in my high chair, if I tossed food on the floor, I got a light smack....now most people today will gasp at that...so I asked my mom, why she did it....because people would freak out when I would tell them how young my mom started with physical punishment. My mom said it was a simple act of consequences to actions, that she allowed me to figure out on my own, and after a few incidences, I stopped tossing food. It's a learned response...if I do this action, I will get a negative reaction. NOW....for MOST kids that is enough, but we are seeing more and more kids who seem to pop out of the womb with ODD..Oppositional Defiant Disorder, with these kids no amount of physical punishment is going to deter them from pushing the boundaries. And you would know if you have this type of kid because they are like that from infant....

BUT...for most normal kids...I don't think there is anything wrong with using physical punishment. Look what decades of coddle and talk to your kid has gotten us....kids that use the CPS system as a tool against their own parents....kids going on shooting sprees...kids bullying other kids into suicide.

People can argue all they want about the supposed evils of physical punishment....but the proof of NOT using it is surely showing it's ugly head the last decade or so and today.

I was punished physically as a child...my parents never used a belt, or any other device....it was with the open palm only....and it kept me in line and made me who I am today. As a matter of fact my father only smacked me twice in my entire life and even though it was not particularly hard...it was so quick and sudden...it made lasting impacts on me....when my dad told me to do something...I did it....not so much for fear of the actual smack...but for fear out of how quick it could come....he was like a snake striking.


NOW...I do believe in giving kids a chance...as in....if you do this one more time, I'll have to paddle you....but in the situation you gave...where the offense was so quick, sudden and out of the blue....the child has to learn at that time....that the action will not be accepted without negative consequences. That could have given the little one a concussion, anything...so the response must be swift. You did the right thing.

Out of all my kids I've worked with in the past....if you asked me to gauge which kids were more problematic, kids that were disciplined with physical punishment or kids that were not.....it's not even a question.....the kids that lack physical punishment are MUCH worse than those that received it.

That's my two cents....

[Spyder]

I was punished with a belt and an open hand. I eventually fought back when I got older, and the physical punishments stopped. I didn't learn a lot from the punishments, but if I were to try and gauge its effectiveness on me, I would probably say that it taught me to be sneakier and not get caught. It probably also taught me to think about physical solutions to problems with classmates, rather than using words. I got into a lot of fights when I was a kid, and withheld a lot of stuff from my parents.

I don't use physical punishment with my kids. Instead I take away the one thing that they crave, which is my attention. It teaches them that if they act like assholes, then nobody is going to want to be around them. I also use timeouts for their worst outbursts. The duration is dependent on them recognizing their behavior, and apologizing to whoever they wronged. I use that to teach them to seek atonement. That they can't be dicks and then just pretend that nothing happened. They have to fess up to it, own it, and apologize for it.

My daughter is 6 now, and is very mindful of the way that people treat each other. All of her friends are really good kids, and nice to each other. She's turning out better than I could've hoped. My son is almost 3, and he is a maniac. He is by far the biggest challenge of my parenting skills. He was a late talker, so that could have a lot to do with it. I wasn't able to use reason with him until about 6 months ago. He has made vast improvements since then, but I'd still consider him a work in progress.

I haven't read any material on parenting techniques and only use my limited behavioral psychology schooling to try and not to screw them up. My sisters use physical punishment with their kids, and their kids' behavior is not even comparable to mine. That kind of reinforces my approach when I witness all of the kids together.